Hanasakeru Seishounen Episode 5

Hi guys, Menma is on FIRE!  I have to keep writing or else I’ll go to Wikipedia and read Doctor Who spoilers and then I will kill myself and you will never see me again, so I’m gonna burn through this backlog.  This time I’ll be talking about Hanasakeru Seishounen episode 5, “Meeting ~ Reunion”.  In this episode, we meet Rumati, the third bridegroom candidate; he’s the younger prince of Raginei, a small Middle Eastern country.  They’ve got stuff to do with the Burnsworth Corporation, and they’re also a country on the verge of some serious political upheaval, for which reason they are very big on tradition.  Rumati is in Hong Kong for…some reason.  And he and Kajika bond.  Of course.  That’s the episode, basically, except for a subplot in which the Fang Corporation is again having some internal issues, this time because of Li Ren’s uncle’s scheming wife, Bridget, who apparently had an affair with Li Ren back in the day, when she and his uncle took him in after his father died.  He’s nineteen now, so I guess “back in the day” was when he was between thirteen and fifteen.  Gross. Anyway, Bridget is jealous of Kajika or something, and sets her up to get raped, I guess, but Rumati saves her and no one is ever the wiser.  Meanwhile, Toranosuke is a shitty bodyguard some more, fucking up and losing track of Kajika and stuff.  He seriously needs some Ritalin, and a spine.

Screenshots not (ever) in chronological order.

Kajika goes to Hong Kong to attend a party being held by Li Ren’s uncle Dong-Xuan, wearing a dress that looks like a cake.  I keep forgetting that this is the eighties.  Anyway, Li Ren introduces her and Toranosuke to Dong-Xuan and Bridget, the latter of whom practically pees on Li Ren’s leg as she warns Kajika sweetly that he’s a cold fellow.  Kajika doesn’t get the signals at all, of course, and goes off cluelessly to be shown around the house.  Li Ren warns Dong-Xuan that he won’t stand for it if Bridget does anything to compromise the Fangs’ standing in the business world, and Dong-Xuan is all too eager to bend over and assure him that that won’t happen.

familyfangfun.doc (anyone who gets this reference will get a very special prize)

Bridget introduces Kajika to a great number of very multiethnic Fangs, who are all impressed with the pretty heiress that their mighty CEO is babysitting bodyguarding.  Li Ren arrives and tells them that it’s just the dress and that Kajika’s still a kid, which Kajika responds to by pouting, thus handily proving Li Ren’s point.  The Fangs turn the conversation, awkwardly, to Tongsen (whom we saw plotting a couple episodes ago) having opposed Li Ren being made head of the family, as if this could still possibly be news to anyone in the Fang clan.  HEY LI REN, YOU KNOW THAT GUY WHO DOESN’T LIKE YOU?  HE STILL DOESN’T LIKE YOU.  JUST THOUGHT WE’D BRING IT UP :O  Such intrigue!

Li Ren goes off to greet the other guests, leaving Kajika in Toranosuke’s utterly irresponsible and incompetent capable hands.  The Fangs wax disgustingly sappy about how gorgeous and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely Li Ren is, and I begin to doze lightly; I dream that John Barrowman has decided that he is bisexual and whisks me away atop his magic sex cloud to a mystical island made entirely of chocolate, and for a brief minute I am completely happy until I wake up and realize that I am still watching this show.

Bridget has cunningly lured Kajika out to a “secret” greenhouse where she and Li Ren used to meet, so that Kajika can…get all jealous or something?  Good job, Bridget, you have accomplished what no one – wait, sorry, everyone – has managed to do before and set Kajika up for some kind of sexual hurtin’.  Meanwhile, Toranosuke roams the halls calling for Kajika and wondering where she could have gone.  Sigh…  Kajika and Bridget show up; Bridget tells Toranosuke to go enjoy the party, but Toranosuke says he’ll stay with Kajika.  Bridget hints that they’re going to the GIRLZ BATHROOM and Toranosuke immediately and blushingly agrees to leave his precious charge with this sinister lady.  Don’t they have a bodyguard training course that might prepare you for this kind of thing, or did they just grab Toranosuke at random out of some high school class?

IS SHINY, KAJIKA, LOOK AT SHINY

Dong-Xuan and Li Ren talk about Tongsen a bit and about how Mr. Shiny Blonde is apparently helping him sabotage the Fangs.  This is all somehow related to the Burnsworths, of course, and Dong-Xuan expresses the opinion that Li Ren being chosen as Kajika’s bodyguard must mean that he’s been chosen as her future husband as well.  Doesn’t Li Ren wish!  But instead of tearing up and bawling about life in the friendzone, he puts on a brave sneer and mocks his uncle’s naivete.  And just then, Bridget and Toranosuke run up.  LI REN LI REN HELP, I LOST KAJIKA AGAIN <:O  Li Ren bitches Toranosuke out for running away at the mention of girly stuff and tells him that he is to get in the fucking bathtub with Kajika if necessary.  Seriously Toranosuke, that is what is required for this job.  Girl is like Houdini with raging hormones and a messiah complex.

Kajika goes to the greenhouse to I guess check out the place where Li Ren frequently used to get it on with his foster mom (I think I heard a story like this someplace before).  Inside is waiting a dude named Leon, who’s been hired by Bridget to do something terrible to Kajika…but it would appear that “something terrible” just means “hitting on her in a clumsy and persistent sort of way,” or maybe he just doesn’t have a chance to get to the rapin’, because our new friend Rumati appears (out of apparently nowhere inside this locked greenhouse) and scoffs at him.  He and Kajika and Leon yell at each other a little,  Kajika marvels at Rumati’s blue eyes, Leon becomes enraged and attacks Rumati.  Even though Rumati is a young waify thing, he’s a main character, so pretty quickly Leon is on the ground.  Rumati, not the merciful type, is about to get the fuck down on him with a fucking lead pipe (!!), which he then turns on Kajika when she tries to stop him.

KAJIKA NO MEANS NO

As I boggle in a kind of impressed horror, Rumati’s Koyasu!servant Quinza appears and talks him down…by begging Rumati to beat him instead.  Oh master! <3  I can see the fanfiction now….  Anyway, Rumati – a little turned off by this – elects to beat no one at all and just trade insults with Kajika instead.  While they’re doing this, Li Ren, Toranosuke, and Dong-Xuan appear; Dong-Xuan is horrified that harm might have come to Rumati (whom he calls “Highness”) and grovels for forgiveness, but Rumati just leaves ’cause he’s SO COOL.

Later, Li Ren asks Dong-Xuan who that jerky little dude was; Dong-Xuan asks what Li Ren knows about the kingdom of Raginei, so Li Ren infodumps a little while we see some pretty pictures of people wearing exotic clothing.  As it turns out, Rumati is a prince, the younger of two: the older prince is sickly and can’t leave the country.  Back in their rooms, Quinza bothers Rumati to put on his traditional headwrap; Rumati doesn’t want to, so Quinza threatens suicide.  Hardcore!  Rumati gives in and flounces off, and Quinza talks for a bit about how it’s supar important to protect tradition with the monarchy in danger from assassins and stuff.  This is all pretty boring!  It could be interesting if it was any other show, but I know it’s just a dating sim, so how can I take it seriously?  Because look – now Rumati’s hanging out in his bedroom WITH A HAWK.  Wtf?

Oh god they've all got an animal each haven't they aaaaa

Anyway, Rumati wants to be useful to his brother, who can’t leave the palace, by seeing the world and being his representative and agent internationally.  Wow Rumati, you have some pretty noble goals, let’s hear some more about–oh, he’s thinking about Kajika now.  Well, never mind.  Oh Kajika, how very intriguing you are, even to people you piss off!  Rumati is apparently a big ol’ tsundere.  In her room, Kajika is thinking about Rumati too, and decides to go ask Li Ren about him, when she suddenly sees Rumati, hanging by a sheet outside the window and being a creeper.  What the hell?  Oh never mind, he’s just sneaking out for a night walk or something.  Kajika threatens to scream, so he lets her come with him.  Haha, oh Kajika.

For once, Kajika doesn't look like the biggest stalker in the room.

While Rumati and Kajika are on their DUMB STUPID NIGHTWALK DATE FOR DUMB PEOPLE, Bridget approaches Li Ren and flutters and flirts and tells him he was the first man she ever loved, and in response Li Ren drops some fucked up shit on us, in the fine tradition of episode 4: Dong-Xuan apparently knew that Li Ren and Bridget were doing the horizontal family mambo, and I guess allowed it to happen because Li Ren was the super-talented successor to the Fang.  Grosser and grosser!  Also, Li Ren never cared about Bridget; he just wanted to “learn the nature of women” and she happened to “showcase the poisonous aspects” of womankind particularly well.  Well, that’s an awfully classy way of putting it!  Li Ren, you are…how do you say…a man-slut?  I don’t know if this is supposed to make us like him or what, but it’s just really weird.

Anyway, Rumati and Kajika walk around and she bothers him until he tells her his name, and then they talk about his culture and their traditions and blah blah OH GOD MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE and then he gives her his headwrap because she thinks it would be cool to wear one TEE HEE I’M SO EXOTIC.  Isn’t his servant dude going to commit suicide now, though?  Rumati tells her that they’re only supposed to give up their wraps when they admit defeat to an opponent or when they enter into a contract.  I guess this means Kajika has defeated him, so maybe Koyasu won’t have to kill himself…I might, though.  Arrughghr Anyway, Rumati is thinking, “WHOA I AM FEELING A SUDDEN DEEP SPIRITUAL CONNECTION WITH THIS CHICK” and then suddenly a car rushes towards them, horn blaring.  Kajika stands mesmerized by the headlights like a dumb-ass deer, and Rumati screams her name……..  CLIFFHANGER ENDING!  WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NEXT?!?!  I HATE THIS SERIES PLEASE PLEASE LET ME DIE

GOGOGO PANCAKE TIEM

You know, this is what I get for trying to do the writing for two of these in one day.  My soul hurts.  Also, based on hints from the opening and stuff, I think Rumati and Kajika might be sekrit siblings.  Eeeew!

-Menma

1 Comment

• 

  By Patches, August 24, 2009 @ 8:27 am

  XD

  Excellent. Can we get you some kind of medal for watching this? The show seems to be trash, but the blog posts are AMAZING!

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